


Flashback

by idrilhadhafang



Series: BenPoe College AU [9]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Evil Snoke, Heavy Angst, Multi, Past Sexual Abuse, Protective Poe Dameron, Underage Rape/Non-con, Young Ben Solo, at least in the flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 19:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14456271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe wants to know about Ben’s past.





	Flashback

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I got you, I won't let go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14437980) by [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd). 



> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was one night in their flat that Poe asked the question. He’d finished reading  _The Force Awakens_ for the first time, and was already asking questions about the story. Ben welcomed the questions; they were at least a good measure of how well he had told the story. He hadn’t showed the manuscript to either of his parents, actually — his father would be more understanding, but he probably wouldn’t take well to being killed off, even his fictional counterpart. He’d probably think that Ben had issues with him, when that wasn’t the case. 

Snoke hadn’t laid a hand on him, but his words left marks well enough. 

“Ben,” Poe said softly, “The real Supreme Leader, whoever was based on him...”

”Did I know him?” Ben said. “Yeah. I thought I could trust him.” Putting his trust in Snoke had been a mistake, but he had been fourteen and lonely, and Snoke had been overwhelmingly kind to him. 

“Who was he?” 

Ben hesitated. What did Poe want to hear? That he thought that his English teacher could be trusted, only to find out he was basically a monster? 

It sounded almost like one of those Bruce Coville books, or Goosebumps, one of those “junk food books” that his mother described, one of those things that he read when he was a kid. Except the monsters were more mundane in nature. All too human. He’d made the Supreme Leader an alien because some things you had to tell through metaphors — and even though Snoke had died in prison, there were times when Ben could feel his presence still lingering in his head. 

(He had wondered at first if making Snoke Supreme Leader was giving too much praise to the manipulative S.O.B. Even if he was one of the villains)

Poe’s face was gentle, full of compassion. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But there’s nothing you can say that can make me love you less.”

”I know. It’s just...if I told you, you’d never believe it.”

”I believe you.”

Ben took a deep breath. “I guess I should give you some background,” he said. “Snoke — or Mr. Snoke...he was a pretty troubled man. He had a hard life. And some of the things he did...he gave me quite a bit. He saw me, really, when others didn’t.”

***

_It was one day after class that Mr. Snoke asked Ben to stay after. Ben’s breath couldn’t help but hitch; had he gotten a bad grade? He’d been hopeful that he wouldn’t, but..._

_Mr. Snoke handed him his paper, and it was there that Ben saw it. A spiky red A. Ben looked up at him in amazement._

_“Mr. Snoke...” he said._

_“You dispute the grade?” Snoke said in his gravelly voice. It was gravelly but not unpleasant. Ben wondered idly if he was somebody’s father, the way he talked._

_“Well, I...” Ben bit his lip. “It’s not very good.”_

_” ‘Good’ would be drastically underselling it,” Snoke said. “Your characters leap off the page, your scenarios are involving, and your style is beautiful to behold. Writing is a fine art, I’ve found, young Solo. I’ve seen many students in my class, but they’re...”_

_”They’re what?”_

_”Well, to put it this way, they range from adequate to the likes of laughably terrible.”_

_”They’re not that bad,” Ben said._

_“True. Most are merely adequate. But you, Ben...you are exceptional.”_

_Ben’s heart lifted despite himself. Then, “I don’t think I would have done it without the books I read.”_

_”And it seems modesty is another one of your talents. Modesty is good, but there is a difference between modesty and selling yourself short.”_

_”Thank you, Mr. Snoke. Sir.”_

_Silence fell. Then, “How long have you been writing, Ben?”_

_”Since I was little,” Ben said. “I mean, it’s just been part of me.”_

_”Incredible,” Snoke said, and Ben, in that moment, felt incredible just being in this man’s presence._

_***_

_”_ So he was kind to you,” Poe said. 

Ben nodded. “A lot of people at my high school didn’t really like me.”

Poe stared at him, flabbergasted. “How could they not like you?”

Ben smiled, faintly. As always, Poe seemed to see things in him that no one knew existed. Then, “Mostly because of my grandfather. My grandfather was...well, he was a monster, according to my mother. From what she did tell me about him. He treated her and my uncle horribly, and he did...well, you probably already know what he did. He died before I was born trying to save my uncle, and I think that’s the only good thing he did.” Ben sighed. “I tried not to be like him. Not that it really made any difference. And...well, have you ever watched the movie _Halloween 4_?”

“Bits and pieces.”

”Well, there’s one part where Jamie Lloyd’s taunted about being related to Michael Myers. And...that part, at least, in the movie happened to me, with my grandfather. I think they were scared of me. Snoke...wasn’t. And for a while we were friends until...”

Ben took a deep breath. In his mind, he could already feel it all coming back — the heat of Snoke’s breath, the grip of his hands on Ben’s arms, the fact that his face was too near even as he pinned Ben against the wall...

”It was after school,” he said. “Snoke asked me to stay after class, as usual. He had gotten a little weird at times, like some of the ways he’d touch me, but I thought it was usually an accident.” Ben sighed. “But then he attacked me...”

***

_“Let me go.”_

_Snoke’s eyes glided over him like a predator’s. There was nothing recognizable that Ben could see in them, nothing that could be reasoned with. But Ben said, “You’re hurting me”. He hadn’t thought an adult’s grip could be that strong, or that adults could be that big..._

_Snoke’s nostrils practically flared. His grip tightened, and his breath was hot on Ben’s face._

_Ben felt, in that moment, Snoke’s breath against his neck, and he froze. There was something about it that reminded him of the book_ Dracula, _and he stiffened. He had to move, he struggled, but Snoke pinned him against the wall._

_Snoke’s voice was close to his ear. “No one’s going to believe you if you tell. They’ll think you wanted this. You were the one who met with me.”_

_Ben couldn’t argue with that. Even craning his neck away from Snoke’s face, he felt tears prick his eyes. A hand released one arm, just to wipe tears from his eyes. “There there, Ben. No one has to know. It’ll be our little secret. No one has to know about the love-starved slut you are...you want this, don’t you?“_

_He ground against Ben, and Ben found himself, to his horror, responding. He shouldn’t want this. Dear God._

_“You think anyone will believe you?” Snoke’s voice was a growl. “You’re nothing.”_

_Snoke ground against him. It was like Ben didn’t exist, Snoke didn’t exist — there was no reason in those eyes, in those movements. There wasn’t any sort of sexual arousal either; it was like Ben was just an object to be used. Like Snoke was just taking his anger out on Ben. Ben found himself focusing on the ceiling tiles, counting them, until he felt something hot and sticky erupt in his pants._

_His relief was only mingled with shame. Shame that this had happened. Long after Snoke had finished, they held each other’s gazes, and Ben tried to search for any sign of Snoke in there, anything. There was nothing._

_Footsteps. Snoke drew away, left, only to give one more look at Ben. No one will believe you, that look said. Not someone like you._

***

Poe stared at him, eyes wide and full of tears. “Ben...”

”I know. I shouldn’t have — my body — it wasn’t my fault.”

”Of course not, Ben. Baby...”

They held each other, cried. And between his tears, Ben told the rest of the story of that day. 

***

“ _Ben?”_

_It was Shaak Ti. Ben wished he could sink into the wall, anything to get away from her. She probably saw the evidence, the stain in his pants, and he felt utterly wrong, like he had been the one who had done this. Snoke was right. And he hadn’t even fought..._

_”Ben, what happened? Are you okay?” Shaak Ti was calm. “Do you need me to call your mom and dad?”_

_”No! No, please don’t call them. Ms. Ti, I...I’ll get in trouble. It was all my fault.”_

_“Ben...let me help. It’s my job to help people who need it.” Then, “Was it Mr. Snoke? I thought he seemed a little sketchy...”_

_”It...I didn’t...I met with him...I...I...”_

_Shaak Ti knelt next to him. “Ben, don’t worry. We’re going to get you the help you need. Are you injured?”_

_”No.”_

_”It wasn’t your fault, Ben. I heard something that sounded like a struggle. That’s when I went to investigate. Did he...” Shaak Ti took a deep breath. “Did Mr. Snoke sexually assault you?”_

_”Yes, but — ’’_

_”It’s not your fault, Ben. It’s not your fault. No matter what the circumstances, you didn’t deserve this. I’m so sorry, Ben.”_

_***_

Poe nodded. “It sounds like you had an angel on your side that day,” he said. 

“I did,” Ben said. “Snoke was arrested, and it came out that I wasn’t the only victim he had. I wish I could have noticed sooner.”

”He fooled everyone, didn’t he?”

”He did. After that, he was jailed and I was court-ordered to go to therapy with Doctor Kanata. I actually had her make a cameo as the wise mentor for Rey.” Ben smiled weakly. “She helped me. I mean, I still have nightmares, and I don’t think I could ever do...things similar to what Snoke did to me, but I’m better than I was at fourteen.” Ben sighed. 

“Ben...you’re so strong. The fact you could come out of this like that...”

”I had a good therapist. And a good support system. Aunt Q’ira was actually furious; she wanted to shoot Snoke’s balls off.”

”Your aunt sounds awesome.”

Ben laughed for the first time that night. “She’s incredible. I actually considered naming Rey after her at one point."

”Wow.” 

Poe drew Ben into his arms. “You’re so brave, Ben. Incredibly brave. You are worth a million of that bastard, believe me.”

”Thank you,” Ben said, and he knew that as long as he lived, he was lucky to have Poe. 


End file.
